


Skeletor Goes to Costco

by Costco_Propaganda



Series: Costco Literary Universe [1]
Category: He-Man and the Masters of the Universe
Genre: Costco au, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-07
Updated: 2020-03-07
Packaged: 2021-03-01 01:09:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 805
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23046790
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Costco_Propaganda/pseuds/Costco_Propaganda
Summary: Skeletor is just trying to get on with his morning, but of course it's not that easy.
Series: Costco Literary Universe [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1656277
Comments: 5
Kudos: 19





	Skeletor Goes to Costco

Skeletor pushed the large Costco cart across the store, searching for the only item currently missing from his daily routine: coffee grounds. He could smell the scent of the food court as he made his way past the registers. Children laughed as parents gave them frozen yogurt. A couple picked up a fresh pizza to-go as others took the first bite of their hotdogs.

_ Disgusting _ , Skeletor thought.  _ These bumbling buffoons will be the next ones to feel my wrath! _

But first, Skeletor had to complete his task and find some coffee grounds so he could get on with his morning. The skeleton continued toward the freezer section, knowing that the coffee grounds would be just across the aisle from the frozen chicken pot pie. He passed by several stations giving away free samples and surveyed each one and their unnerving levels of kindness. 

"I bought this membership to get great deals, not to be treated like this!" He said under his breath.

Finally, he made it to his destination and his eyes landed on the only container of coffee grounds remaining in the store.

Folgers Classic Roast.

Skeletor's favorite.

He quickly made his way to the item, pushing the cart without any care for the people in front of him. Many of them could barely move their own carts in time before he drove past them while hurling insults the whole way. 

"Finally! It's all mine!" He shouted and began to laugh as he reached for the container. Skeletor felt a surge of happiness as he thought about being able to drink his morning coffee. It has been his one solace throughout his inevitable fights with He-Man. However, just as his skeletal hands touched the red container, so did another pair of hands. And he knew who those belonged to.

"He-Man! What are you doing here, you boob?" What  _ was _ he doing here? This wasn't Castle Greyskull, it was Costco! Both men kept one hand on the item, leaving a free hand in case they needed to use their weapons.

"Well, Skeletor, I was just trying to get some more coffee grounds so I could finish up my morning routine." He-Man answered as he maintained a strong grip on the container. "I never would have imagined I'd run into you. Not to mention that we'd both be trying to buy the same item."

Skeletor glared at He-Man with all the hate he could muster. "I don't  _ care _ about your morning routine, fool. Go somewhere else! I've been coming to this Costco now for ten years and I'm not about to share it with an oversized nitwit like you!" With that, he conjured his staff and threatened to set off a bolt of magic at his enemy.

To defend himself, He-Man unsheathed his sword and placed it between the two of them. Dozens of customers crowded around to see what would happen next. Some were afraid and hid behind their carts, while others began to take sides for who they thought would win. Seeing all these people around them, He-Man began to get nervous. Sure, he could take on Skeletor by himself most days, but these people had no way of defending themselves and no one was there to give him backup. He would have to finish this quickly.

"Are you afraid, He-Man?" Skeletor asked, taking joy in the dilemma he has put his nemesis in. "I just want the grounds. Let me take them and I'll let you off easy, fool. Not even YOU could completely destroy a trip to Costco."

He-Man relented, knowing that there was no way to fight Skeletor without innocent people getting injured in the process. As much as he hated letting his enemy have his way, sometimes there was no other choice. "Fine, Skeletor, you win this time. But don't try any funny business or else I won't hold back."

Skeletor took the container of coffee grounds in an instant, holding it close to him. "Finally!" He shouted and began to celebrate. "I've finally won against you, you babbling blonde-haired buffoon! And everyone got to witness you give up in the face of my power." 

At that moment, Skeletor pushed his cart toward He-Man and shot a bolt of magic at him, cackling as the blonde and was barely able to block the attack. "And don't ask  _ me _ not to try any funny business. You interrupted my shopping trip, so I'm going to interrupt you!" 

He saw He-Man rushing toward him for an attack, but before it could land Skeletor was able to teleport himself out of the Costco. He-Man and the onlookers could hear his laugh as he faded away with the coffee grounds. When security finally arrived to ask about the incident, they were unsurprised to learn that they had lost yet another container of Folgers to Skeletor.


End file.
